• Pubes are virtually my penises coat… so do I keep them for the winter?
  • It’s actually so cold that my penis nearly committed suicide earlier.
  • I still haven’t masturbated in 2012 yet! AHHHH! So many toilet tissues gonna be blessed this year! ❤
  • New years resolution: Stop being such a Pussy-hole and man up.
  • As the new year approaches, I feel it is time for a new hairstyle, a new outlook on life, and a new attitude..the only old thing I’m keeping is my
  • I don’t think I could ever stab someone, I can barely get the straw in a capri-sun.
  • When your 7 year old sister asks you what dyke means so you just say potato…
  • Just found out I need a tooth out, the last time this happened I got a sugar puff stuck in the hole!!
  • I’ve put so much weight on, my clothes are mocking me
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